Married life with a Japanese woman- Surviving a Crisis
Let’s face it – there is no such thing as a disagreement free relationship. No matter how loving couple you are, you are bond to engage in an argument once in a while. The following guidelines were created to help you discover what the disagreement is really about, handle the problem and get back to loving each other.
- Never be afraid to let your Japanese wife know what bothers you.
You shouldn’t hold back communication - anything that bothers you must be brought up for discussion. You should always feel free to express yourself. And remember, it is not WHAT you say… it is HOW you say it!
- Don’t argue with your Japanese bride while you are still too emotional
about the situation.
Things you are saying while you are affected have a way of leaving a damaging mark on your relationship. Instead of lashing out while you’re still emotional, take some time to cool off by going out for a walk or listening to some music, for example. Getting away from the situation will help you gain a much-needed new perspective.
- Don't bring the past into the present in Japan.
The desire to compare current situations to some past situations is natural but not healthy for a relationship. No one wants to be reminded of their past mistakes. And how can you expect to motivate someone for improvement when no matter how hard they try to change or improve, you still hold them accountable for past actions? If you actually want a problem resolved you have to make your partner feel like s/he can actually resolve it. One way is to keep your disagreements about the problem you are actually dealing with at this time.
- Seek first to understand your Japanese soulmate, then to be understood.
It is easy to complain how wronged we are and how our partner never understands us but have we really tried to understand him/her? So many times we forget to take a look at the other person’s viewpoint when more often that not, we would find after an honest look, that we would have done the same thing.
- If it is your mistake, apologize to your Japanese girlfriend!
Don't try to redirect the blame to something or someone else. If you broke a promise, said something you wished you didn't or did something you'd rather not confess to, it's up to you to make amends. Not only will you feel better, but your partner will learn to trust you more knowing you're willing to accept responsibility.
- Don’t implicate other people in your fight.
You automatically put the other person on guard when you enter into a major disagreement in front of others. In addition, instead of staying a personal matter, the disagreement will become open to other input. Think about it from your partner’s shoes. Would you actually give an open and honest discussion if you felt you were up against an army?
- Discuss the problem till it is solved.
It is far easier to run off and avoid your partner but show respect to him/her and yourself by taking the harder way - work it out together even if it takes all night. Make sure you have enough time to talk and don’t bring up an issue during lunch hour, or on the way out. Nothing is unsolvable when you are working together for the good of your relationship.
